heatbeat i / coward

in the deaf of night, the darkness whispered loneliness into my ears

and my feet that once were silver wings

were suddenly old boots full of sand

and the rain started falling

i lie awake sometimes and wonder what's next what's left

thinking through stormclouds

wondering if i'll lose a newborn child or how many times a heart can break before it fails

and i'm just one of hundreds of thousands of people

lying awake wondering the same thing

and the rain was falling

we learned to forge bulletproof vests by the first year of high school

donning them like the shells of turtles

we came out when it was light

but we came alive when it was dark

and the rain kept falling

we used to ride steel jetpacks to the moon

and you'd sing me to sleep with your words

that lingered like powdered sugar on my fingertips

and we danced in the white light

our fragile glassy bodies planets orbiting each other

surrounded by comets

but then the rain started falling

he told me he wanted to go on road trips when the valleys we'd travel match the wrinkles on our faces

"i don't want to die while i'm still living," he said

"i want to live my whole life"

and i was too much of a coward to tell him that i'm afraid

and the rain is falling