mess

this is me.

hands stained with paint
standing bathing in sunlight
smiling, smiling, smiling
forever a child
just a little taller now

this is me.

soft, wet, warm
drenched in the storms that linger in my mind
taking sanity, control, patience with them
where did my safety blanket go?

this is me.

yelling screaming unleashing
the beast the human the goddess
living within my chest
setting it free letting it loose
out into the wind
hair swirling around rapidly curling itself into knots
into knots into knots
while my stomach, my mind, my heart unravels
into the wind
into the soft, bitter sky

this is me.

failing the first exam, the second exam, the fourth exam
but only because you did not make me care
fighting for what i believe in is what i do best
but i can't believe in useless questions
and dog training

this is me.

bowing down to an invisible throne.
letting myself free.
obeying obeying obeying.
head down chin up
but smiling
because this is a form of freedom

this is me.

long, loud, lonely
the darkness comes during the night
but self control reigns the daytime
like a regal queen
firm afraid but here.
firm, afraid but here.

this is me.