kneeling

where are you?

i talk to you sometimes.
like on the drive home the other night
when i was crying and my nose was running and i wanted to pull over but i had to make it home safe.

i'm not sure how i made it home safe even now.

where are you?

he told me you love me and you care about me...
but then why was i so alone?
why do i still feel alone sometimes?

i want to be soft again
naive again
a sophomore again
i've changed so much and that scares me.

was it you?
have you been here all along?

can you please tell me why i am who i am?
why it's so important that i am me?

why is it that i get lost sometimes and forget sometimes?
why is everything made of shades of grey?
why did my babysitter die when i was just a kid?
why was i neglected by my father?
why was i raped?

why?

where are you?

please tell me you're here.

please tell me you're here.

i need you.
i need you.
i need you.

but maybe you were never gone.

maybe you were never here either.

please be there.