crisis

I'll do it

I'll finish it off 

But how

Surrounded by my favorite things?

He's not there he keeps suggesting religion 

God's the one that told him to leave 

It's not that simple it's not that easy 

I was told to move here only to get obliterated and destroyed 

In deja vou it felt like a plastic sort of life but I was denying it I've been so desperate 

I don't feel like myself 

I don't even know who or what myself is anymore 

I can't do it. Any of it.

I need to do something. 

I need to finish it off.

I need to die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die

Kill myself 

End it stop the pain make it stop God please make it stop please I can't handle this I can't swallow it anymore please 

I'd rather be raped I'd rather be hurt some other way why is it always me why am I the one that gets left why am I the one suffering 

I'm spinning out spinning out soinning out spinning out spinning out spinning out spinning out spinnfouraoinnfourbspinningojt spinning out 

Getting tired because it's too much

I need to turn to something else some other kind of substance something to make the pain stop dometjing to make the spain stop something to make it all stop .I need it to stop I just need it tos stop .please make it all stop ...

.it's over 

I just need it to be over 

It has to be over

I'm going to do it

I have to do it 

I have to end it 

I have to leave it 

I need it to stop I need it to stop I need it to stop I have to stop remembering I have to stop dresming I have to stop thinking I have to stop I have to stop I have to stop 

Should I start 

I know if I start it'll be hard to stop 

Researching 

Researching self hard

Researching self harm 

Cutting 

Slicing cutting hurting aching bruising damaging 

He's not here he won't be here I'm freaking insane I'm the ex girlfriend you warn your other girlfriends about I did this it's all myself it's all my fault why am I like this 

.I can't do this anymore .I can't 

I can't

Please 

Please 

Stop texting him back

Stop texting him back

Stop texting him back

Stop texting him back

Stop texting him back

Stop texting him back

Stop texting him back

Stop texting him back

Stop texting him back

Stop texting him back

Stop texting him back

After I'm gone they'll probably find these if they care to search

Suicide hotline text messages 

How much do they care about s death like that .I don't know

How much research do they do 

I don't know

Does it even matter.

I need to do it. I need to kill myself. 

I need to do it. I need to kill myself. 

I need to do it. I need to kill myself.

I need to do it. I need to kill myself

I need to do it. I need to kill myself

I'm so weak I have to work myself up

I can't just commit

I can never fucking commit .I'm such a loser.

I can't do it 

I can't do it. I can't do this. I need to die. I just. I have to.

Methods. Gotta keep. Researching methods. 

Gotta keep thinking about it. 

Gotta be done.

Should I be comfortable

It depends .

I wish I could just

Go into a coma 

I would I could disappear and not hurt family 

I wish that were an option 

I wish I could just die

I wish I wish I wish 

Nothing I wish mayters

Nothing I want matters

Nothing matters

Nothing ever matters 

I can't even get anything I wish for

I just wanted to be happy

I just wsnted someone to love me.

Why am I so hsrd to love

Why am I so easy to leave 

I can't

I'm sorry

I'm going to die.

I don't know when 

I don't know how yet 

But I'm going to 

I don't even have it in me to write will letters

Maybe I should look for inspiration 

Maybe I should Google it

Maybe I should just die and forget it 

Maybe I should disappear 

Maybe I should kmcut myself and stop existint 

Nothing is real

Nothing was ever real

If I was ourside 

I'd be tempted to run into the road

Into ongoing traffic

That would hurt so badly

But maybe it would help

Maybe it would distract me

But it would hurt someone else

I still care about that right now

I still care about that right now

I still care about that right now

I still care ahoutr her right now 

.please

Just make it stop

Make me stop.

Please 

Wade just make it stop.